The gift of food

Posted: December 16, 2009 | Author: Alyssa | Filed under: Alyssa | 5 Comments »

Food has always been a popular gift.  Next to liquor, it is probably the most popular welcome, house warming, thank you, I’m sorry, condolence, and get well soon gift there is.  Now don’t get me wrong, I think we all know at this point that giving me the gift of food is never a bad choice, however there are certain foods that seem to be acceptable for each occasion.  Usually the food fits with the event or sentiment and is designed to help the recipient in some way.  For a party you might bring an hors d’oeuvre or dessert, for both condolences and welcomes, perhaps a casserole so that they don’t have to cook one night.  My point is there are foods that are ‘giftable’ and foods that really aren’t.

You may be asking yourself why the hell is this chic rambling on about giving food to people, but I promise I have a point.  Today was an awkward gift day for me.  As a teacher I usually recieve at least a few holiday gifts, which is always pretty cool.  Usually its chocolates, or from my international students, a small souvenir from their home country which is very sweet, and has built me a pretty bad ass collection of Korean swag.  Today however, I received two gifts from students, or rather, parents of students.  The first one was a series of christmas cookies (santa, frosty, christmas tree, etc…)  which seems completely appropriate right?  Unfortunately, my student’s younger sibling had been allowed to help with the decoration and had very tragically been given control of the red gel frosting usually reserved for piping and whatnot.  Needless to say, a young child has minimal  fine motor control, and did not really ‘stay within the lines’.  My plate of christmas cookies looked like a holiday massacre!

All the characters looked like they were covered in blood, and on the red plate, it looked a bit like they were laying in a pool of blood.  Now, I’m not trying to sound ungrateful, because its a very sweet gesture, however; those of you with small children, PLEASE give them white to decorate with, not blood red. My gift looked like a really delicious version of the wedding scene in Kill Bill, and it was all I could do not to laugh out loud when the kid handed it to me.

Unfortunately, believe it or not,  this was not the main reason for my ‘awkward gift day’.  The second gift I received was so completely beyond the Christmas blood bath cookies, I didn’t even know how to respond.  It is rare for me to ever be speechless, but in this case I think it was actually a benefit that I couldn’t find words.

Now, in the all time weirdest teacher gift category, I have to award the winner to….a frozen steak.

Seriously.  I got a steak today.  Not like an Omaha steak gift box, but just a single frozen boneless rib eye from ACME.  No note or anything with a potential explanation, the kids just came up, handed to me and said ‘my dad wants you to have this’.  Now either Ohio has the strangest gift giving customs I have ever heard of, or they have the shittiest mafia on the planet.  What the hell am I supposed to do with A STEAK?  Ok, I know what I’m supposed to DO with it, but what the hell dude?  In one day I received a baked holiday horror show, and a frozen meat product…

Can anyone offer me any insight as to the potential thought process of this parent, or at least make me feel better by sharing your weird food-gift story.